from the depths of dispair

just added another place to visit on my travels this summer. so much history and culture to tap into... i don't know where i'll find the time to see and feel it all in just 10 weeks. sigh.

i discovered my favorite book section in the library yesterday and lost myself for a good hour or so in persian poetry and literature. why didn't i find this earlier?!

and speaking of time sucking blackholes, i finally gave in and joined friendster last night. oh. my. gosh. i find it fascinating to see how ppl are connected (i guess that's why this thing has really caught on)... i wish ppl from england and canada would jump on the wagon too cos i would love to see just how small this world is.

in need of charging...

the battery on my laptop is dying. there are no functioning plugs in the vacinity so i'm going to be laptopless in a wee while... sigh.

i've been making beautiful lists all afternoon: things to do straight after exams are done, things to do in toronto, things to do for eiw, things to buy, things to pack, things to bring back, ppl to email, things to research for summer job, places i want to visit...

i love finals time. i really do.

what if...

what if i took a risk... and it paid off. what if it didn't?
what if i don't have the courage to take the path less travelled?
what if i had worked harder at the things that meant more to me?
what if i had the power to travel through time and experiment with making different decisions?
would it get boring after a while?
would it turn out like a bad ashton kutcher movie?
i'm not experiencing regret... just wondering how things would or could have been very different.
that, and the fact that i'm avoiding torts... what if i stopped typing rubbish and went back to figuring out causation for my torts exam?

existential meltdown

last day of classes. i always get down on final days. instead of thinking of the great things i'm abt to embark upon (after finals anyway) i'm caught up over the fact that i'm going to miss what i had this year. and before i know it i start dragging up all kinds of questions re: what the hell am i doing and it easily ruins my day.

unfortunately, this seems to be a recurring theme... and not just on this blog.

i need to get out of this rut and move on. living each day as it comes.

mysteries that need to be unravelled: life, t, nature, torts, more good places to eat...

coming together

the torts professor reassured us all the way through the course that everything would magically come together at the end. i was really skeptical, considering every class consisted of him telling us why the reasoning in the cases we had was wrong. so having spent a whole day this weekend reading his article on the tort system (it really didn't need to take that much time but i was having a difficult time focusing) i think he may have been right... actually i think he's spent the last 3.5 months providing an elaborate lecture series on this ONE article. if we had read this thing at the beginning it might have saved us a great deal of confusion during class and actually resulted in meaningful class discussion. but i have a feeling he didn't want that. he's a brilliant academic but i doubt lecturing is his top priority in life.....

my passion for rumi

rumi has a special place in my heart. he really does. although i would rather call him mulana, rumi seems to be his prefered and better known name in america (where he is also the best selling poet despite the fact that his work is mostly read in translation). anyway, there is one poem that i came across a few years back and which really touched me. it was just so passionate and real that i felt an instant connection and had my own private moment of ecstacy. and it was a very pleasant surprise to re-discover it today and share it with someone. and then i thought that perhaps i should share it with the world (okay, the few ppl who actually read this page or accidently stumble upon it). so here it is...


Looking For Your Face

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it.

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for.

Today I have found you
and those that laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did.

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you with a hundred eyes.

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold.

I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine.

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow.

My soul is screaming in ecstasy
Every fiber of my being
is in love with you

Your effulgence
has lit a fire in my heart
and you have made radiant
for me
the earth and sky.

My arrow of love
has arrived at the target
I am in the house of mercy
and my heart
is a place of prayer.

saturated

i just ate soooo much food i think i might burst... i think i'll just sit here for a while and stare at my screen and day dream abt my summer because there is no way i can get up or do anything even remotely productive.

i'll missing living in this building next year and having so many great eating places right on my doorstep. i love this city (with some small caveats but they're not important enough to mention here).

taking control

the international law society is going to be uber-supreme next year. i had high expectations of it when i first arrived and they've had some stellar events. but next year it will be even bigger and better. i obviously have a lot vested in it as the commander-in-chief (self-mocking-title) and i'm working with a fab group of ppl. fascinating speaker series, career panels, brown bags, film nights, foreign language tables and much much much more. oh and i shouldn't forget the stellar party and the italian chicks...

revelations

in the tradition of taking random internet based tests, i just went through this after seeing it here. but this test reveals way too much information about about me. i'm not sure i can even post the result without baring my soul... may be that's indicative of who i am but seriously it's accurate. and a great alternative to work.

best meal since spring break

the turkish kitchen.

the best ilsa meal and certainly the best meal i've had over the last month. it was nice to see sonny off in style...

there couldn't be a better way to spend an evening than sharing a great meal with a awesome group of friends. oh, the joys of this world. i guess i'm just not that hard to please really.

at this point i'm really hoping that panic will set in and spur me to be uber productive. the weather is helping since it's quite cold and grey outside. now i just need to adrenaline to start rushing through my body. that, and the fact that i wish i could type faster.

waking up

this morning we had the last our lawyering class and our adorable professor left us with some wise parting words.
as the last person on the class list i’m on call in the penultimate torts class tomorrow.
i’m about to head out to the ilsa end of year dinner.
as i chatted comfortably with p earlier today it dawned on me that this is really the end. well not quite the end if you count exams. but still, a year has passed. i’ll be in a different continent a month from now. i can’t quite fathom the idea of coming back as a 2l.
sometimes i wonder if my life is really some variation on the ‘waking life’ – will i ever wake up or has life already passed me by?

a fine oral performance

the oral argument went exceedingly well... and that's abt all i'm going to say on that. the indian child welfare act (icwa) is now a part of my past.

the only quasi-interesting news of the day is that nyu has managed to get me hooked on Saratoga sparkling spring water. this stuff is just so good. more food news: ben&jerry's had a free cone day but the quo stretched around the corner so i went back home and ate the cherry-garcia sitting in my freezer. this posting is in danger of degenerating into a complete food rant so i think i'll stop now.

the prof is having a great day

he's managed to get "genuine" laughs and chuckles out of the class at least 3 or 4 times in less than an hour!! could it be the weather? does he really love the material? could it be that we only have 2.5 classes left?

i think he's adorable because he tries so hard.

the fleeting rays

sitting here watching a beautiful sunset i wonder how the hours have slipped through my fingers today.

last night was fun. my ability to tell ppl's nationalities lead to some interesting conversation. an lady swore that she knew me from lahore (?!) and the waiter couldn't help but ask us where we were from (okay he just asked me but i get that a lot). i love this city. it's chocked full of interesting characters...

mrs. m is back and i'm going to visit her tomorrow out in suburbia. i'm so totally excited (mostly abt seeing her, and a little abt seeing the suburbs and open spaces). it's been a while.

the trouble with this world

football gone wrong.

real life

filed taxes.
notorized a document.
cooked a real meal (for the second time in a week!).
took time out to talk abt life.
realized that i'm missing out on a lot of really good reading.

oh, and my love for peach is never ending.

the justice has left the house...

what i did expect: the comments and questions that were shot down.
what i didn’t expect: the absolutely tense atmosphere.

at one point, after a couple comments had put everyone on edge, there was a very loud and long screech from one of the microphones. it was totally ominous. everyone went silent, fearing the worst. i think it’s one of the most awkward, and certainly the most tense gatherings of this size that i’ve ever been in.

the almighty/supreme court

tuning out of class to type this…

i don’t know if this is particular to the constitutional structure of the legal system in this country but i’ve come to realize how imp the role of supreme court justices are in defining the law. so the fact that i am well acquainted with some members of the supreme court is actually quite logical. now when i read cases, looking at the name of the justice who wrote the majority opinion is usually a good guide as to how the case will come out… and on that note, i often find myself taking the fun and mystery out of reading cases by skipping to the end to see whether the decision was affirmed or reversed (although i absolutely hate doing this when reading novels or anything else that is actually interesting).

so, given the power of the court i’m going to go and watch scalia in an hour or two... i can understand the controversy that will likely lead to the streets around school being clogged for a couple of hours today, but i think it will be interesting to bear witness...

i need to tune back into to class...

practicing religion as statutory interpretation

this is something that really illustrates how much legal thinking and terminology has permeated my mind... i don’t think i’ll ever be able to de-program myself and purge my existence of the language. but then again i think part of the point of slapping down ridiculous amounts of money was to get this lens, right?

anyway, the point is that the legal lens is here to stay. i mean i can’t even watch the daily show without thinking of the legal dimensions of jon’s jokes! so i don’t think it should come as a surprise that i gained a new perspective on religion…

i think it happened from the very first day when we talked about the case of the speluncean explorers (for those poor souls not familiar with this staple of legal education: this is a hypothetical case that traces out some broad themes of legal theory and statutory interpretation through the precarious fate of a bunch of explorers who eat one of their compatriots while stuck in a cave).

the way i see it religion is essentially about rules. people have different attitudes towards the rules. some people adopt a 'plain meaning' approach to their sacred texts. other’s look to the text for general guidance and choose to follow the ‘spirit’. but the purposive approach can never be quite determinative because how can we truly know what the original purpose or intent is? we can look to the ‘legislative history’ for guidance and study ‘precedent’ from courts of public opinion and private spirituality… at the end of the day it is really helpful to have the tools of statutory interpretation so that you can work out your own “interpretation” and don’t have to follow someone else’s .

and that ladies and gentlemen, is a very crude sketch of my theory - i wonder if it makes sense to anyone other than myself...

my passive voice

am in the process of excising the passive voice from my brief... okay so i just started but in my defense it has been a beautiful weekend and i have no idea how it managed to pass me by so quickly.

law revue and the adventures of “lawman” were pretty funny (i wonder when the entertainment industry will decide it has killed the comic book genre but that’s a different story). the scenes poking fun at the llms and the guest appearance of the vice dean exuding the virtues of playing gunner bingo with fellow faculty members were highly enjoyable.

soooo much chocolate.

i love kids. i really do. if you’ve spent any significant amount of time with me you will know how much i adore those things (although i can be a little stern with kids who are mean to other kids). anyway, i want to grow up to be the woman who always has good chocolate and sweets in her purse to give to your children! i’m quite serious about this. so, while in the grocery store a few days ago i thought it was time that i start down this path. unfortunately i don’t get to see all that many children in social setting these days and i can’t exactly give out candy to kids on the street (that would just be going too far), but i thought i should be prepared nonetheless. i bought a family sized pack of mini chocolate bars… and ever since then i’ve been pretty “sugared up”. i must be consuming the equivalent of one of two full-chocolate bars a day which probably can’t be too good for me. my sister and i had a fair amount of chocolate as kids (nothing excessive) but i don’t think we ever went crazy from the sugar. my parents never complained about it anyway. but i’ve met a lot of kids over the last couple of years who go crazy/hyper as a result of sugar intake.

i hope my kids don't turn out like that.

oh blogger...

first the real "judge" for my oral argument drops out.
then the new pseudo-judge decides that he would like the finished briefs a couple of days earlier than the original schedule.
the ruins the weekend for me nicely.
since i've sworn myself off the law library and the distractions it provides may be i'll be able to make it through.

on a diff note i realized last night that i'm actually going to be in iran for the elections. wasn't sure if i should be worried abt this or not... seeing the pics of all the world leaders at the pope's funeral was somehow reassuring despite the inane headlines that accompanied the pictures. there is a better world out there, i just need to tap into it.

and my better world doesn't involve ethno-centric states wanting to take indigenous children away from their communities... oh boy, icwa is back.

library etiquette?

the guy sitting across from me is grinding his teeth in a really nasty way... it's really disgusting. what is the problem with these ppl? don't they have any manners? may be he doesn't realize that i can hear it... gosh. a few days ago a friend posted abt a similar problem with an obnoxius table-buddy and i found it mildly amusing. now i'm just starting to get angry and frustrated.

reading is excruciating.

he really needs to stop making that noise. or i'm going to through something in his general direction. or may be i'll just move... sigh...

time=good, sun=better

lunch consisted of ben & jerry's cherry garcia and lemonade.

in the afternoon we picked next year's ilsa board.

the jilp (journal of law & politics) mixer reaffirmed my desires to do it next year (provided i get selected).

50 pages of fun property to get through tonight...

my very own dinner party

i've wanted to host a dinner party-type thing for a while now. but having a small kitchen and very limited hosting space has made it virtually impossible to organize one... so you can imagine my joy when j offered to have us host a joint dinner party in his loft!!! granted it will be next fall but that's not really all that far away. exams finish in a month. i'll be away for the summer. and once i'm done with the insanity that will be early interview week i think i'll be ready for a dinner party to celebrate. mark my words, this is going to be reallllly good.

a sea of possibility

sometimes the only way to remember that i’m actually living in nyc is to look up at the skyline and see the empire state building towering over midtown... you’d be surprised how easy it is to lose sight of the “bigger picture” and the world around you without even trying. given the speed at which we race through each day no wonder everything is a blur...

that said i think there was a moment of clarity today. i caught a glimpse of the unifying structure in the tort system and i could kind of see where the prof has been trying to lead us for the past 3 months... and while that sounds pretty trivial (i’m the first to admit) its actually quite satisfying. these rules and principles make up a system that we rely on to ensure our personal security everyday: studying these rules and analyzing the burden and benefits they create can be fascinating. and while i’m not sure my class has been fascinating per se, i think there is a great deal of potential here to delve into this topic and be lost in a sea of possibility.

metaphysical problem

i'm sitting in the library.

my freshly brewed cup of tea is sitting on my desk... in my room.

how do i transcend time and space to sate my chai desire without having to exert any energy?

may be i shouldn't be in the library on a beautiful day like today...

pictures are worth soooooo much more...

some awesome photoblogs for your viewing pleasure:
daily dose of imagery http://wvs.topleftpixel.com/
joe's nyc http://www.joesnyc.streetnine.com/
rion http://rion.nu/
durham township http://www.durhamtownship.com/
chromasia http://www.chromasia.com/iblog/
chromogenic http://chromogenic.net/
downdream http://www.downdream.org/
jinky art http://blog.jinkyart.com.au/
make happy http://www.makinghappy.com/index.php
momentanea http://momentanea.org/
orbit 1 http://orbit1.com/main.aspx
yamasaki ko-ji http://uwaa.org/

the dinner/banquet was fun, and federer just won an amazing game against up and coming tennis prodigy nadel... i love tennis season (almost as much as football tournaments ie the world cup).

inconsequential

doing everything possible to avoid having to start editing my brief... including plowing through the reading for torts, but mostly reading random things like this and thanking the lord for the internet and whatnot....

the lalsa dinner beckons and since my roommate is going so am i... afterwards i'm going to put up the links to my favorite photoblogs because most of the time they are soooo beautiful that i feel i just have to share.

instant gratification

someone last night described my generation as one that seeks instant gratification, processes information in small, discrete bites and has a huge aversion to commitment. all this was said in light of her job of helping students at nyu pursue jobs in public interest law. and i think to some extent she was absolutely right. our experience of the world is shaped by instant access to information and google answers, and with the magic of email at our fingertips we are used to getting what we want and getting it promptly.

her argument was that is part of the reason so many students leaving here will likely take firm jobs, because more important than the fact that they will have huge loans to pay back, many simply don’t want to take the time required to actually figure out what they want to do with their lives. my generations’ general aversion of introspection probably stems from our the fact that in a world that is moving along so fast we don’t want to take a moment out to figure out how we fit into the big picture. we’re often quite willing to let the tide take us where it will…

in this whirlwind it was nice to stop for a couple of hours and talk to more admitted students yesterday who embody the kind of enthusiasm most of us probably had before we arrived here.

needless to say i didn’t get any work done last night either...

coins

i went to a talk last night on the basis of a coin toss. somewhat distraught by the plight of humanity i sat around after thinking about good and evil and the general state of human affairs. it’s quite astounding to think that we have not been able to overcome our human deficiencies over the millennia but i think it must stem from the fact that it is a personal quest for each and everyone of us. but with vast population growth of the past couple of centuries we’ve managed to export our individual struggles to the world around us and forgotten what the root of it all is. it is very difficult to think of a solution that can be developed for the dauntingly complex world we live in. too few people want to accept the basic proposition that being individually “good” is the most important factor in all of this... they shrug it off as too easy and simplistic. little do they realize how difficult introspection and personal change actually is, or if they do they are doing a great job of avoiding it.

needless to say i couldn’t get any work done...