the good and the bad

hmm, what is going on? i have regular internet access but never use it. and while there is plenty to write abt here i've been consumed with the experience of living as opposed to recording of it all. may be i can remedy that with oodles of procastination in the works.

i'm pretty exhausted. no one single reason for it.
there is a part of me that wishes i had taken this year off as well and taken part of the year to go to a remote part of the world and just think. no string attached. no one to talk to. no responsibilities beyond sorting out what is really at the centre of my existence.
my heart certainly isn't in it [read: modern-material-life]. i have a job at a great firm lined up for the summer, and my real motivation is not so much the legal work but the ppl. they seem to do whatever it is that they do with a great deal of "committment". perhaps somewhere else, i would be able to call that "passion". but whatever. that's not the problem. the problem is more existential.

the good thing abt me is that i never really stress anything.
the bad thing abt me is that i never really stress anything.
so without the sense of urgency, it's been pretty hard to motivate myself to do work for my exams coming up in just two weeks. it will get ugly at the end.

i'm reading a great book right now. just started yesterday and its going to occupy my subway time for the next week. and it's just the kind of change in perspective that i need. it was written in the 70s, well before the current fascination with the islamic perspective but from what i have read so far it seems very relevant to today. more on this as i progress...